Anecdotal

alone for an hour,

a strange-warm

winter Sunday,

a handsaw &

headphones,

we made a

renegade

tree disappear,

but the sapling

trunks, five in all,

at the place they

were the thickest

remain undug,

another day’s

tool & time.

…

together an hour

winding through

grocery aisles,

we two & the

wee one gather

future meals

brave  the hectic

crowds, borrowing

time from tears

that  (lucky us)

never come:

we fill a cart

with food,

with plans,

pay the tab,

load for

the unload

& put away.

…

shipping the troops

outside for an hour

a snowless deployment

rare in January:

left to their own

devices: grey sidewalks

graffito’d a winter blue,

a hill race on foot,

red bike turns,

brotherly taunts,

wrestles & rolls

in the brown

& sleep-full grass.

…

this is what it means to share an imagination:

the imagery of possibility: of unwarped cubits,

the momentary escape into the lion’s roar of labor:

throb of forearm, the aching cramp within the glove,

the shared but dreaded rituals of domestic life

turned magically into a game of hide & seek,

the pride of witnessing the brotherly bond

exult in its freedom to create & to break down:

to know that what grows must change,
that change creates loss as it provides gain,

to learn the patience of long love,

through the slow victimage of growing old

but most of all, learning the easiest lessons last:

that the anecdotes of memory are all we carry through,

that nothing remains but what is loved well,

that innocence is possible when the right task meets the right moment:

nothing teaches virtue better than the story that can’t be told,

the story that gives & gives & knows no proper way to end.

Departure

"My friends stood in a line and waved good-bye as long as they could see my back." [Basho, The Narrow Road]

Maybe it is loss that breeds
a need for absence, a going
that suggests distance & time,
when so many days end in a slipping away.

If I can imagine a line of friends,
loved ones, the marginally close
lining up to bid farewell, do not
mistake it for a death wish,
or a longing for the inevitable rise & fall of disease,
but a silent need for an appreciation
only recognizable through sustained longing.

Maybe not longing exactly, but being missed,
having the shared space emptied,
not breaking the vessel, always fragile,
just on the brink of disrepair,
but leaving behind footprints & a bit of dust,
knowing that I'd come back,
if only for the clutter, but not soon,
not too soon.

A decade is a considerable time to live in the same somewhere:
to occupy a house, to work a room, to wander a hallway.
Though dreams arise, fall, & reemerge, a made place must change or be left behind.

There is a second image lingering somewhere behind these lines,
the portentous one that tries so hard sometimes to become fact:
a family gathering their most precious cargo, strapping down what they love &

heading down some road that promises a fulfillment that their going toward brings.

Love Poem, December 1st

I am a seabird, you are the Arctic Ocean
I know your seasons, and your sanctuaries
And when I’m wheeling over your wild white horses
I know there’s nowhere else that I belong

[Stornoway, "Cold Harbour Road"]

The view from up here, soaring,
the view as only a sleeper sees,
not what is given for viewing
but what is wakefully missed
though unavoided, yet unseen.

Here your body curves into sleep,
the perfect contour, familiar lines
etched into my sleepy mind
wishing these wings were hands,
I'd give all this watery world for an island.

But to wake would be to fall,
to fall would be a graver loss,
a loneliness more pitiful than
even birdsong out of season,
hidden still behind skeleton trees.

To be awake, to be alone,
when the house sleeps,
when our children purr out dreams,
when even the coyotes stop their howling:
this is the time to hover above & look & look.

If you knew how I saw doubt disappear at each tide:
the breath's rise & fall through this not quite longest night,
through this beautiful untouched quiet,
you'd understand the more:
what this collection of feathers means to me.

Leaf Smoke, Sun Streak

Day 30, The Last

Not until this moment,
the sky impossibly coral streaked
& filled in by downy cloud,
did I accept the end of  another year.

Some of what goes up does not come back the same:
the leaf that fell now rises as smoke,
its rustle now crackles,
its color now roasts,
& its rust smells of cherry, oak, & smoky peat.

soon, I know, the cold rains will come,
the leaves' revenge, the end of fire,
the long sleep of seed & soil,
until the green fuse lit:
pop of bloom, crack of ice, hum of bird return.

but now, this evening that holds the cold away at a flames length,
a sky beholden not to art,
there is no sense in holding on to the past,
just being here now, just seeing & smelling
the end of another season is enough to settle this month's doubts.

Seasonal Invective Confession

Day 29

Everybody knows that September is the month for dying 

& October for being born. It's already November, 

already another number past the biblical midpoint, 

another pile of pages past the midterm, 

& again the worry of a wasted life 

still hammock free & temporarily hawkless.

What do birds know about disillusion anyhow,

that they show up to ghost a disenchanted morning?

What do they know of misplaced dreams, 

ill-timed despair, or the hunger of another plan?

They know the migratory urge, the seasonal pangs,

the Attic need to roost, nest, dally, & fly.

This is November. I know this feeling welling:

not regret exactly, but reproach, a weariness

of purpose that never works out as planned.

Is it that November is the polar twin of May:

the return of illusion with the migrating birds?

If only it was as simple as lift, flap, & glide.

Then again what do birds know about deadlines,

about stacks of unloved paper-hearted words,

about rushed poems that cannot find their ends?

Out of Cover

Day 28

The life outside this window
is larger than any metaphor's
circumference: fox on a hay-bale
or family of early cardinals,
decked in matching hats with
downy coats in stunning scarlet,
or perfect golden brown
& tints of every subtle pink.

What goes doesn't always stay gone,
what returns doesn't always make up,
but most of all, what hides someday
runs out of cover.

There's no need of metaphor then.

A Brief History of this House

Just yesterday, I searched
the homemade slat shelves
in what used to be my father's
basement workshop to find
the necessary parts to fix
my mother's television signal.
Like always, his collection
of mismatched sundries,
an addiction to keep (passed on),
provided what we needed.
That the picture is now clear
is point, though prodigal,
of much wanted filial pride.

And in this room,where I began
most of eighteen years of nights
and where last night the five of us
slept mostly soundly, snuggly,
half a life later (and twice to go?)
I notice, without slightest regret,
the juvenile S of ceiling stars
no longer glow, their infinity broken,
miraculously years ago to bring on these new years.

Finally, this morning, a threshold
opened in long gone memory,
thirty years disappear:
I see this house as it was,
this day through the long years,
revisited in the doorway's suspended jump of a nine month old,
the furniture diving of a three year old,
the brave explorations of wise old six.

This is as close to time travel as I care to get.

Watchers, US-69 South

The gnarled trees, mostly
cottonwood, rosebud,
& sycamore are lousy
with watchers: red-tailed,
red-shouldered, or
broad-winged raptors.

At the Miami County line
they start to turn dark-winged,
their light autumn bellies
shining in the midday glow.

These are not the same
frequent fliers of my daily drive:
these sentinels stay their posts
suggesting: we know you,
we've seen you before.
It's been too long.

This way

Days 21-22

Photo taken on US-59, 11/18/11
Edited with Photogene2 and Phoster Applications

Is it Time?

Day 18

the difference

between

too early      &

too late

cuts a line

across a face,

cracks brains,

initiates regret:

a voice unheard

in the wilderness

begs for forgiveness

too early      or

too late

no one hears

out of time

the distance

between

too early     &

too late

is impossible

to predict

& too important

not to.